Sitting in the Holiday Inn Express playing Facebook games and eating my way through the day

Sitting in the Holiday Inn Express playing Facebook games and eating my way through the day. 

There is a gym downstairs, I should utilize it!  My legs hurt, my neck hurts and I'm extra tired.  I hate this Fibromyalgia!  Poor Clifford was confronted yesterday and asked if he was fired for sexual harassment.  Really?  That means that someone at home has talked to someone at Sheetz.  WTF.  This will never end, I'm sure of that.  So now we will just stress until the stress kills us, one way or another.  I wish I could find a cure for the Fibro or find a legitimate computer job that will allow me to sit and work as I can.  That will probably never happen either.  I just wanna live our lives like normal people!  My emotions are in an uproar today, I cant stand it!!

I really wonder if everyone who keeps a journal, or diary actually writes everything they want to.

7:37am.  My first thought after a VERY restless night?  Go outside and get the papers!  Get the neighbors too, those fools probably don't even know how to read!  The neighbor to my right has moved out and the neighbor to my left leaves piles of newspapers until they eventually throw them out!  Well, no sense in that when I can use those coupons!  I open up one of the papers and JACKPOT!  Four inserts in one of them!  YES!  These are the things that make me happy which, in turn makes me motivated.  Laundry started and dishes started! Life is good.  Better than yesterday anyway.  Yesterday, I had so much anxiety that I actually went back to bed, no sleep, of course but was hoping to feel better.  Today I have almost no anxiety, but I can feel the beginnings of some painful legs.  Screw you fibromyalgia!  On a completely different note.  I really wonder if everyone who keeps a journal, or diary actually writes everything they want to.  I don't.  Ever since my very first little, purple, lockable diary at 11 years old, I have never wrote everything I wanted to.

  How liberating it would be if I could, but that worry that the wrong person would find my words and they might ruin my life freaks me out!  On that note, there are many, many thoughts stuck inside the file folders in my head.

Peace I'm out!

She stresses me out so bad. I just never know when she will be a loose cannon and blow.

Heading out to Aunt Debbie's house to visit before we head to Wing Night.  A few girls from my motorcycle club volunteer to cook/serve wings at the local VFW every Thursday night in exchange for 2 hours once a month for meeting space.  We have a blast, too bad we don't get paid for it. =)  My sister texted me and told me that my mom will be there.  She stresses me out so bad.  I just never know when she will be a loose cannon and blow.  My brother is in town for a few hours.  He's in the U.S. Air Force and we rarely see him.  It's been two years almost exactly since I've seen him and I was about 110lbs heavier.  Kinda excited to show of the new me, but stressed about this fucked up broke tooth I have in the front of my face right now.  He'd be the one to call me out.  So that's my big stressor right now.  Whatever!  It is what it is.  I spend an hour or two and go on home.

I've never kept a close friend close for more than 5 years.

O.C. Bike Week last week was AMAZING.  Some ups and downs, but whatever.  We had a great time and I feel like I made some new forever friends.  That's always a plus for me since I've never kept a close friend close for more than 5 years.  Why? Who knows.  I'm just one of those people.  As I get older, I think about that often, whether or not it's important to have "forever friends".  I think it is, but I'm not 100% sold on the idea.  On that note, some pretty close friends are looking at the house next door.  Would that be good or bad?  Probably both.  I like my space.  At times, I am a hermit and don't want to be bothered for days at a time.  Other times, I would prefer my phone to steadily drive me crazy with text messages and for my facebook to be blown up with new notifications.  Anyway, Clifford is away at work, only 3 nights this week since Monday and Tuesday were vacay days.  I try to go with him every other week since this house would probably fall down or explode if I went every week.  Kait is a hot damn mess, with her lazy ass.  I feel bad for her roommate if she ever moves out, cause wow, old girl is not a housekeeper, that's for sure!  Aside from that, I think she is becoming an amazing adult.  She's going to college 3 days a week and working the other 4.  She has her drivers license and is hardly every home, living a good young adult life and making memories.  She does, however check in and get permission before doing practically anything with her friends.  She respects me like that.  I think that's pretty cool.  Anyway, feeling ok I guess, kinda blah, but ok.

 

Adios, until next time.....whenever that might be. -hugs

I got some sleep! Thank you Advil PM

Woke up in a better mood today, probably because I got some sleep!  Thank you Advil PM.  Got up and straightened up the house a little.  Still have to huge containers of grapes staring at me, but I'm not ready to deal with them yet.

  Cliff's mom want's me to go get a mani-pedi with her today, but I'm just not feeling up to it, as much as I'd love to.  Instead, I will stay here and cry and whine to myself and watch Dr. Phil all day.  Cliff just called and wanted to run down his entire workday to me, but when I start complaining about how I feel, he decides he's gotta go back to work and will call me after he gets off.  Everyone kinda does that to me.  I guess they are all just tired of hearing me whine all the time.  I must admit, I am definitely I whiner!  I'm thinking of having a "Friday Dinner" with friends like we used to do, but I don't know how I will feel come Friday, so we will see.  I DON'T want to drive to bike week next week, but I feel like I have to so that a friend and her daughter doesn't have to drive.  I always get myself into these situations.  I haven't really rode the bike at all this summer and this would be my chance, but I'll probably drive because I always put others ahead of myself.  I need to get stronger.  I think I may need a psychiatrist, seriously.  Secretly.  I wouldn't want anyone to know.

I LOVE my coffee 'cause I love pooping

So it's only 11:22am but I gotta tell you, I LOVE my coffee 'cause I love pooping.  I know, I know TMI but, when you only go once a week if you're lucky, hey! it's a significant part of your day! 

Now back to your regularly scheduled bitch session.  Grapes.  I have fucking grapes all over the damn place.  Not literally, but there are 2 huge containers full.  All sent over from Cliff's mom's personal vines.  I guess I'm supposed to make jelly, but frankly I just don't feel like it.  I'm pissy, grouchy, whiney and I wanna go back to bed and stay there, but what I'll actually do is sit here with this laptop on the couch for a bit, with my aching legs and burning neck and back, and then get up and suffer through more cleaning and eventually GRAPE JELLY! Not happy.

Do I need to go back on my Prozac???? Maybe

So...I'm back already!  Do I need to go back on my Prozac???? Maybe!  So Mr. Lazy as Hell decided he's exhausted from sleeping 'til 9:30 and the sitting in his "spot" on the couch playing his stupid farm game! GAAHHHHH!!! Off to do laundry!

Gimme a break!

Gimme a break! God, I feel like Nell Carter! These people I call my family are lazy as fuck!  It's Sunday (fun day) and I'm cleaning up after everyone.  My fibromyalgia is KILLING me today.  Cliff is away Monday thru Friday now, for his new job at Sheetz so I've been going with him every other week. 

 
I'm the only one in the house that does not clock in and out of a job so I do EVERY FUCKING THING ELSE! You'd think that when they see me folding laundry or making the bed or standing at the sink doing the dishes and bawling they'd help.  HELL NO!  they sure do not. I sure am glad I have myself to vent to.  Thank you blogger.com!