Tuesday, July 23, 2013

I hate being inside myself!  I can't take it!  One minute I'm extra happy, the next just livid.  Bi-polar

Monday, July 22, 2013

Woke up fucking crazy

Woke up fucking crazy!  Cliff got fired over a month ago for, of all things sexual harassment.  Of course he didn't do it but I'm struggling with that too.  I don't know what the hell goes on when I'm not around.  Who does?  Anyway, that's a whole other thing that I don't want to think about right now.  He starts at Sheetz on Friday.  I love that man with all my heart and soul, but I need a little space and time to miss and appreciate him.  I'm writing today, because I gotta get it out.  What do I gotta get out?  I don't know, but something.  I'm all but positive its bi-polar but it could be the Fibro.  Kait will be 18 in exactly one month and its killing me.  I have made an excellent "normal" friend in Sandy.  I love that chick.  She grounds me and helps me see the positive.  The kind of friend that I feel like I try to be.  I want to love Jen as my best friend, but I just cant do it.  I feel like I'm calling her my best friend because I want Junior in my life.  She's so selfish and makes everything a out her and her life.  I hate some of the things she says, it hurts.  I just wish I could find that one freakin life long friend!  I think that could be Sandy but we will see.  Right now, at this very moment, I feel like my mental breakdown has come to a peak and I'm starting to come down.  The positive people in my life are all texting me.  Sandy, Clifford, Kait, and Marcia (Mom).  I love them. <3 and="" better...apologies="" cliff="" feel="" for="" get="" home.="" i="" kait="" listening...="" m="" nbsp="" ok="" out="" p="" thanks="" they="" when="">