It's been a rough couple of days

It's been a rough couple of days. I go to the psych dr. Tomorrow thank goodness I need the help something serious! Went to BBs store w Clifford today. Lots of great deals. I love the fresh meat and cheese. Anyway....I'm out!

sleep

I need chemicals 

They say they care.....but it's a joke!

They say they care.....but it's a joke!

I guess it's all in who you know.

Okay so today is already horrible. Last night nobody called my husband to see if they wanted to ride together with him to Wing Night. Phil decides he's going to change his name tape to Capital senior sergeant at arms. I guess he feels a little intimidated by Cliff being the second Sergeant at arms. Which I find very very funny because everybody is going to go to Cliff before they go to Phil because Phil is nothing but a big bully. I can't fucking take it my nerves cannot take this kind of stupid shit. I'm tired of all this bullshit middle school drama. And how did Phil get this new name tape when we have new members that don't have the road names yet. I guess it's all in who you know. Now they have decided that every body meet at Bull and Big Momma's all the way in Elkton to fix this stupid ass Ocean City sheet. And of course I'm invited because I'm the only one who has excel and can make this happen. Because otherwise I wouldn't have even been invited. And everybody is here in  Harford County and Bull or Big Momma have nothing to do with making this shit happen. Very fucking frustrated but you know what, I'm going to do my partand make this shit happen like I always do. Smfh

Well my day started off good.

Well my day started off good. The sun is shining I slept until 1030 and I feel pretty good. Chatted with Dee Dee on Facebook for a while. Then aunt Debbie called me. She wanted to ask me about sweaters for Kate and to let me know that Elva is in. Then she starts in on Dee Dee. Now my heart is beating fast and anxiety is creeping up on me. She complains that Dee Dee is treating her husband bad and ignoring him but her husband hasn't even looked deedees way. Now that he's a national officer she thinks everyone should bow down to him. Well that is not going to happen. Most people in the foundation think it's a big joke. Now I'm worried about Ocean City room reservations. Originally I was so pissed off at Phil and Sandy that I asked Tubby to room with us and then later Cliff told me that wasn't right and that we already promised Phil and Sandy. So then I had to tell Tubby that we are not rooming with them and I felt like total shit, still feel like total shit. So Dee Dee asks Telby to room with them and then last night signs up with Funnel and Stang. Absolutely the wrong thing to do and now I feel like total shit because Tubby is lost in the wind somewhere with nobody to room with. Sometimes I feel like fuck it all and sitting on this couch crocheting my life away without anybody else.

today was better than the last few.

So I gotta tell ya that today was better than the last few. Wing night went just fine w/I DeeDee. Nice and relaxed. No drama. No issues. Now I'm on my couch crocheting and watching Greys Anatomy! Content!

I'm not built that way

Totally and completely over this Dee Dee and Debbie thing. I'm tired. Right now I don't care that they're mad at each other. I don't care that Dee Dee is mad at me about making someone stay out of the kitchen at Wing Night each week. I don't care that she's upset about not being invited to the baby showers. Honestly right now I just want to sit in this house by myself until I feel better. My fibromyalgia is acting up and my mental is completely done. I feel like nobody around me gives two shits about how I feel. They want to whine and cry to me about their problems. I want to scream at them right now I don't care. But I won't, because I'm not built that way. Really, I do care. And I hate that. I wish someone would care so much about me that they would sit here and listen to me about my problems. I wish that someone could look at me and see that I'm having problems too. That I need them to leave me alone for a little while. 

How long

I just now realized it has been exactly one year today since I posted.

Deep breath and hold it

Deep breath and hold it

Why is the phone so goddam evil?

I wish I would have entered every day. I need something though. My anxiety is stupid. Too much. All these things that need to be done but I suck so bad as a person that I can't get any of them done. Disability, lawyer, doctors. I hate them all. Why is the phone so goddam evil? Better yet why the hell am I do afraid of it?