My heart is starting to heal over the Baby

My heart is starting to heal over the Baby Kitty I guess.  His Mama helps A LOT!  Now on to a new heart break.  A girl in our chapter has transferred to another chapter w/o telling anyone until it was done.  My problem with this is that she and have talked VERY regularly for over a year about some pretty personal stuff and I really feel like if roles were reversed then I surely would have told my "friend" that I was thinking of a change.  It is what it is I guess, but my heart is definitely broken.  The sad part is that it's getting ugly between chapters.  I hate that.  I will tell you this, I will NOT ever support HNHDE4.  You will not see me at their events.  I'm completely over that.  Anyway, waiting for my truck key so that I may hit the store and do a little couponing today.  TTFN.

i suck

One of the kittens that survived for 27 days was brutally murdered by one of these fucking dogs.  I'm so devastated.  I feel like I'm totally over reacting but I can't help it. I cried all night and all day.  I keep picturing him with his bright blue eyes staring at me and it is VERY  haunting.  I should have stayed home.  I should have been here to save him.  I suck.

My anxiety is out of control. I need a doctor asap

My anxiety is out of control.  I need a doctor asap.  Why I haven't picked up the phone and made an appointment is beyond my comprehension (part of the disease I guess?). I need help. I came to Hanover with Cliff this week thinking that it would help to get away, but I have been here since Sunday night and today is Thursday, and I haven't left the bed but to go get Chinese food one night.  That's it.  And I just got on my computer today.  I want to disappear.  Not to die or hurt myself, that would be hurting the people I love and those who love me, no I just want to cease to exist altogether.  No more me. No more responsibilities. No more stress. No more problems. But for now, I'd be ok with the anxiety to go away, but first, I must make an appointment with a doctor.  Wish me luck.

We have babies!! After 6 stillborn kittens, my cat finally had 2 live babies!!  They are so beautiful!