They make me feel not so alone

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Yesterday I made the decision to really buckle down and get this diet thing going thanks to an invite for Elif! I feel really inspired reading the posts from the ladies involved in this project. They make me feel not so alone. I have decided to weigh myself only on Mondays since I weighed in yesterday. I ate relatively healthy today but could have done better and I definatly need to incorporate some excercise into my daily activites. Tomorrow my goal is to find a good diet and go food shopping.

I should be dong much more around this house but....what can I say?

So....long time no, um .... type! Lets see, I should be doing more around this house bu whats new. I quit my job after surgery and I LOVE it! I'm home all day, beading. Yep started beading and I love that too. =)I should be dong much more around this house but....what can I say? My poor kitty, Liddel had a stillborn kitten 2 nights agon....very sad. Only one baby, weird. Now shes not feeling well, bless her heart! =(

Here is the link to my new jewelry..... I LOVE to hear your thoughts and opinions.

I dont wanna make breakfast,or go to the store, or do Kaits hair.

Here we go with another one of those effin days! I stayed in my room all day yesterday,so did Kait, but shes sick. Cliff woke me up at 10:15 talkin about wanting to give me some love. Some love? Some love would be letting me freakin sleep...geez! I'm grouchy as hell! I wish everyone would just go somewhere! I know that sounds terrible but its how I feel. I dont wanna make breakfast,or go to the store, or do Kaits hair. I dont wanna shower or get out of bed. I think when Cliff goes back to work I'm going to send Kait to her Dads for a while. If I can hang in there that long! I just wanna be alone! I have a headache, my neck and shoulders are KILLING me and I have the poops from the laxative I took yesterday. My battery is about to die...I'm out.

Lose weight to get fat surgery, if thats not an oxymoron, I dont know what is

I'm so crazy...I really need to stop pretending that I dont need a psychiatrist...lol...cause I do! Anyway...got a lot of phone stuff done for surgery today. Then comes the fact that I have to "fudge" a food log all the way back to March! I suck! I started, then got mad at myself and stopped. I dislocated my knee at work in April so I've become addicted to stupid Facebook games and eating. I have gained weight and now that I'm back on track (appt.-wise) I need to lose about 15-20lbs. Lose weight to get fat surgery, if thats not an oxymoron, I dont know what is...lmao! ;)~ I'm so deprssed I dont know what to do with myself...just thought seeing some words in black and white might help.

Need someone. Need someone to care. Need someone to talk to. Need someone to listen. Need someone to not judge. I'm all alone.

Been awhile. I suck! Too much to catch up on. Had Knee surgery. Out of work. Going to P.T. Waiting on disability. Hubby home only 4 days a month. Bipolar moments out the ass. Fat surgery on hold until I can get this stupid knee working right. Need someone. Need someone to care. Need someone to talk to. Need someone to listen. Need someone to not judge. I'm all alone.

F.M.L.A.

Wow its been a whole week. I almost gave up altogether (just like I do with everything). I guess I'm kinda in a slump. No reason for it, just kinda blah. Kaity and I went to my cousin's (Junior) daughter's 1st birthday party. I didn't really feel like going, but I did. Of course, I had to pick Kaity up from her Dad's, where shes been for the last 4 days. I'd really like to know what the appeal is. Why she always wants to be there. My guess is that there are no rules, or he doesn't watch the kids like he should. Becky told me that Kaity confided in her and told her that on New Years Eve Shawn excused himself and took his "girlfriend"? up into the bedroom. That really pissed me off. I mean really, what are we in high school. There is a time and place for everything. Kaitys tutor finally started coming. I don't like her a bit. Shes too nosey. She wanted to take my 18y/o cat and get him "healthy". How freakin healthy can an 18y/o cat be? He's lucky to be alive at all! Whatever..... I took over the connection center at work today. So that means I have 2 depts to deal with. They aren't going to like me very much. I got a verbal coaching for my attendance. Then I went to personnel and had her print me the FMLA law, which basically if you have a child that is too sick to attend school the law applies to you. There is even a section that discusses "flare ups". So if she flips out and I have to call out of work, they cant hold it against me and they have to approve the absence. I just gotta get paperwork filled out by her doctors. Oh well..I'm done. Going to crochet and watch T.V. until Cliff gets home.

strive for the surgery!

Dazed and confused a bit. I got my phone consult with the nutritionist this afternoon and made my next 2 appts for my surgery....however....She did inform me that I cannot go under 226lbs and cannot go over 232. That's a 6lb window that I CANNOT deviate from in the next 6months! I guess I kinda expected it but its just a little disappointing. I have lost 6lbs in 3 days! I was on a roll...now what? The thing is....I have always lost weight dieting..and always gained it back, so I guess that I should definitely strive for the surgery!